-
The women, cloaked in tent-like burqas
(veils) will be protected from the sun and their complexions
will blossom without help from Este Lauder.
-
The faithful will never again have to
suffer just because the singular wife has a headache –
they will be able to choose from a harem of four plus forty.
-
Children will not have to struggle
with thirty textbooks and useless subjects like biology and
European History – all they will need to do is
"memorize one book, which holds all the answers".
(Quran)
-
The state will provide free
entertainment every Friday in the form of lashings,
beheadings and stonings – G-rated fun for the whole
family.
-
We won’t have to keep track of the
Bank holidays, as all banks will be shut down once we do
away with the curse of currency and go back to the blessing
of barter trade.
-
Once the decadent internet is outlawed
and the ISPs shut down, we will be spared the arbitrary
pricing and bad service from the likes of AOL and @home.
-
Men will have more time for spiritual
cleansing rites once the women are children are banished to
the harem after the Majlis-I-Shoora passes the “Seldom
Seen Never Heard” law.
-
Members of the Majlis will be able to
consume mass quantities of halwa (fattening sweets)
unfettered by the unislamic tie and belt.
-
No more traffic jams and pollution
once we go back to riding camels and donkeys to uphold the
Sunnah.
-
No more load-shedding once we harness
the power of the jinns to produce zillions of megawatts in
the Hazrat Suleiman Jinn Power Plant (HSJPP) – and to heck
with the HUBCO!
-
As for the dastardly Indians, they
won’t have the nerve to bother us once we have raised a
few squadrons of Ababil (myth: birds who killed elephants by
dropping pebbles from their beaks) and learned the art of
parting the Ravi (a river in Indo Pakistan Sub Continent).
-
Once we have reached the required
level of piety, we shall dine on Manna (Quail) and Salwa
(another pre cooked divine food) from that big kitchen in
the sky – who needs McDonalds and KFC.
-
The faithful will be spared the
ignominy of buying liquor licenses from their non-Muslim
“friends” because most be banished to Dar-ul-Harb for
refusing to pay Jiziya.
-
We will be free from the curse of the
blood-sucking lawyers once we establish the quick-and-dirty
Islamic Justice system, which will be merged with the
Ministry of Sports and Entertainment.
-
Government expenditure on education
will be reduced by firing the likes of Dr. Hoodbhoy and
merging the Quaid-i-Azam University with the one and only
IU, whose Rector will also serve as the Imam (cleric) of the
Faisal Masjid and head up the Institute of Research on
Islamic Foods (in the pre-Salwa era.)
-
Islamic Research will finally solve
the mysteries of the Composition of Milk and discover the
cure for hoof-and -mouth disease (all hidden in the Quran as
the faithful have claimed for centuries.
-
My brother-in-law, an under-employed
physician and cricket purist, will be able to moonlight at
the stadium amputating arms that chuck and beheading
physicists who dare to think.
So, don’t let the
lackeys of the West, the heretics and Hypocrites discourage
you from following the True Path, the Sirat-ul-Mustaqeem,
which will lead to salvation and glory for the Ummah. Those
who stray from this path will suffer the ignominious 62-7 fate
of the Miami Dolphins.
